Like every little girl on the planet, i was fascinated with baby animals. My Granny must have had about a zillion strays that came to the back door regularly because she had a soft spot for them. She always made Granddaddy feed them. So it was no great surprise when one of the oodles of cats had kittens in their out building.That building was a scary place. It was old as Methuselah and absolutely packed with shit that had absolutely no purpose, old lawn mowers with no motors, furniture so damaged it was beyond use, and most notably an old orange bench set from a bus. There was no electricity in it, but some light seeped into its depths because the wood was so old and warped it was full of cracks. i would have braved the out building on my own to see the kittens but the old sliding door was rusty and i couldn't push it open no matter how hard i tried. After several days of trying, i decided to ask my Granny to take me to see them. Granddaddy had offered several times, but i knew that any kindness he gave me would have a terrible price tag, and so i pretended indifference.By the time i was born, Granny had long since moved out of the bedroom she had once shared with my Granddaddy. She had a hospital bed in what had once been the dining room. It was surrounded by pill bottles and her walker and her breathing machine and other signs of decaying health. i loved my Granny's room, it was the one safe place in the house. i loved the smell of her ointments and the lavender lotion she always wore. She would sit on the side of her bed and eat ice while watching television, and this is where i found her that day. When i asked her, she sighed deeply. She told me she'd love to take me out, but that the sunlight burned her and made her itch and that her walker was too hard to handle in the grass. And, then she did the thing i least wanted her to do. She yelled for my grandfather."Take this baby to seem them kittens!""No, that's okay," i whispered. "i don't really like cats that much."But, there was no getting out of it then. And, so, my grandfather took me by the hand and led me out the door. Looking up at him, the triumphant smile on his face let me know just how much of a mistake i had made. i shouldn't have asked for anything.When we were out of earshot, he whispered, "What is my little cunt going to give me?" Thinging hard, i replied, "Sugar." Sometimes he would settle for that, if i did it willingly. It was years before i learned that most kids gave sugar on cheeks, not the penis."You little whore," he muttered. So he sat on that old orange bench set, and i gave him his blowjob. For the price of holding three mutt kittens. One of which he killed later that day, while i watched in horror.
