Jackson and i spent a wonderful summer together. He took me dancing, bought me flowers, and took me to the movies. It was like magic. i felt, for the first time, like one of those girls on the movies. The ones who laugh and worry about their hair or dates. Jackson put me on a pedestal so high, i could barely see the ground. He worshipped me and thought i was perfect. Everything was dreamy... until he wanted to have sex.By late summer our make out sessions went farther and farther. i never stopped him. What right did i have to stop him? And, besides, for the first time, someone was touching me that i WANTED to touch me. i enjoyed his advances. Things felt good that i didn't know could feel good. Finally, he asked me why i was never scared. Did i really want to give my virginity to him?And, i thought he loved me. i think he even thought he did. Maybe he even did. So i told him. i couldn't give him my virginity. i had never been a virgin. And, that was the end of my small sweet dream. The crash from that enormous pedestal hurt. He didn't hit me that day, not with his fist, but he repeated the words i had heard all my life. And, with them, left bruises on my soul.He pressed me face down over the hood of his old piece of shit car, and held me there with his hand in the palm of my back. He jerked my dress up and ripped my panties off and and forced himself into me. He cried while he did it, and whispered that i had tricked him, over and over again. It was hard to hear him through my own sobs, but his voice broke on the words "dirty whore" and most damning, "worthless cunt."When he was through with me, he flung me off of his car as though i would contaminate it. He got in and drove away, leaving me there in the dirt, to find my own way home.i called Vanessa but she wasn't home. JH came to get me instead. He was wildly amused. Although he wouldn't touch my "dirty pussy" he had me give him a blow job before he took me home. That night i knew in my heart that i had done a terrible thing to Jackson. i should never have let him thought i was a real girl. A normal girl. And, i would make it up to him. Somehow.
