Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Shameful Behavior 

Soon after i started back to work from my ribs... i broke a cardinal rule of the house. i begged John not to make me go to Mr. Catlette's. i knew better. i knew i was making a horrible mistake. But, i couldn't seem to stop myself. From somewhere around my navel, i listened to my voice pleading with John, and promising the moon and stars if only he would not make me go. Just this once.Some detached part of me noted the pinched look his face took on, and the way his shoulders rose defensively. But, all sense of self preservation was gone. This was craven, broken begging. i was horrified with myself. And, yet i didn't shut up. Finally, i pointed out that April was smaller and more delicate than me. That she was more child like. Hearing this pour out of my mouth finally shut me up. i was completely disgusted with myself. He asked me coldly if i was through. And, i whispered that i was. He asked me if i knew i had to pay for that. i said i did. He asked me if i thought i could control my big mouth now. i nodded. Then i began to pay.

Raven screamed at 6:40 PM