John felt horribly sorry for me, which made me unattractive to him. Worse than that, he liked me. i didn't know any of this at the time, but i did know he almost never fucked me. At the time, i rather assumed it was my much bemoaned tits and ass that put him off. But, eventually i learned it was that under normal circumstances he had no desire to hurt me. Most days John used one of two girls. Lindy who liked the pain and was thus John's favorite. Or Kayla whom he loathed for no reason i ever found out. It was scary to see and i was always glad when John retired to the back room of the basement with his choice. i couldn't help Kayla or understand Lindy (something that has changed a great deal over the years, i understand Lindy just fine now) and their agonized screams and contorted faces frightened me.When he punished me, he always fucked me. John couldn't inflict pain without wanting to fuck. But, as i have said before, i was not punished all that often. Benny most always took care of any minor infraction i committed and his idea of punishing me was a stern lecture and less than a dozen strokes of his hand on my hiney. But, it worked on me and i would always try to do better. Both John and Benny thought i could easily be controled by Benny's softer touch. And, since they both liked me that was what generally happened.Except of course for a few stand out times like the one we explored last week.
