They never found out what we did, or how close we came to escape. Thank goodness for that. Or Benny would have died. And, i would have had to watch. What happened instead was Matthew had to die. And, Benny had to watch.John drug me back to Edward's. He flung me onto the floor of the back basement room and paced. i knew he was trying to decide what to do. He knew the baby was most likely Benny's, so it was Benny he called first. It was Benny he told to get rid of it. And, Benny refused. He tried to shield me with his own large body. But, John was larger, meaner, and more clever.In the end, he called on Jackson. John held Benny and made him watch. Jackson punched me in the stomach until i fell down. Then he kicked me there. Over and over. The pain was unbearable. And then it became different. And, i began to bleed. And, in a flow of blood, my baby finally came a few hours later. Right there in the back basement room of Edward's house. He was already dead, Jackson had murdered him. i could cup his tiny body in the palm of my hand. But he was perfect. And beautiful. His tiny eyes were lashless and his skin translucent. The gleam of his bones could be seen at the knees and toes and finger. His tiny mouth was a delicate pink. i was only allowed a minute with him, and John snatched him away.Jackson stuffed my son into a garbage bag and with John he walked away. i have no idea what became of him. Benny badly beaten, came to my side. He took me into his big arms and held me tightly for a while, murmuring nonsense and patting me. Finally he picked me up and took me upstairs to his bed. He gave me my knife, and got out both of his guns. i knew i was in grave danger.But, when the knock came at the door, it was not insistent. And, Benny opened it cautiously a crack. John was there with George. To fix me up. He handed Benny some Daddy's Little Helpers for me and said, "We have to stick together Benny. She's a whore. She's nothing. i've told you a hundred times. These girls are like the dog you had as a boy. It was sad when he died, or suffered, but not the end of the world. You had to learn, man. Ya'll both did. I'm not going to kill her, or hurt her no worse. And, George here will fix her up. Now, you let him do that. Ya'll mourn for one night. Then get the fuck up over it, she's just a whore."This enormous speech was made in a voice that was tight with emotion. i don't believe John truly thought of us as animals. But, he had to treat us that way to do his job.George set me right as best he could. Then Benny held me tight. We named our baby Matthew and talked about the child he might have been. Come the morning, we promised never to speak of it to each other again. It hurt too much.
