The following weekend was time again for me to visit Mr. Catlette. He had been out of town for six weeks and i had not missed him. i worried about the baby's ability to cling to life through a session with him. Not only did he beat me, he shoved things into me that would definitely harm the baby. i couldn't risk it.i worried until i literally got sick. And, then i appealed to Benny. Who appealed to John. John came and stood over me retching and dry heaving. He cursed a bit and i thought he might kick me, so i huddled into a tight ball. But, instead he shocked me by leaning down and stroking my hair."Well, you don't look very fuckable doing that. Dammit. I'll call him. But, if I find out you are doing this to get out of going, I swear to god, you are going to regret it. For the rest of your miserable life."Then he stroked my hair again. He offered me a Daddy's Little Helper, which i took and spit out the second he walked out of the bathroom. i strained my ears and heard him on the phone. my stomach dropped when i heard him offer April. Knowing i had planted that idea in his head. i placed my hand over my tummy and rubbed my growing child. i said a small prayer for April and laid my head against the toilet's side.i didn't want to have to send April there. It was all my fault. But, what else could i do? That evening when she was getting ready to leave, she kissed my pallid cheek. She told me not to worry. And, those were the last words she ever said to me.
