About two weeks after i realized i was pregnant, i decided i had to talk to Benny. He was the only person who might help me. Finding the right time was hard. i stalled another two weeks, hoping to find a day when i hadn't worked to discuss it with him. i thought he might feel more tender towards me if i hadn't just washed away the sweat of pleasuring another man.Finally, though, i knew i couldn't wait any longer. Soon John's keen eye would fall on me, and he would know. And, that would be the end of my child. So, i spent an extra long time in the shower that night. And, i dried my long hair and arranged it in the way i knew he liked. Then slid the long white nightgown on. The one he had bought me. The one i supposed he liked because it didn't look like the garment of a whore.i lay close to him, feeling him stroke my hip gently, and talk about a card game he had played while i was at home at my mother's and father's trying to cope with Jackson. i could hear his voice getting sleepy. He probably hadn't slept in days. Crank will do that too a person. i knew my chance was dwindling.So, i took the hand stroking my hip and laid it on my belly."Billy, i think i am having your baby. And i want it. i want your child. Don't you want your child to live?""Oh fuck. Oh, man, baby. How far along are you?"i told him i didn't know. i told him lots of things, and continued to press his hand against my child. Telling him it was his child. i without out shame manipulated him. And, then my baby decided to help me, but moving exactly when i had pressed Benny's hand tight against him. And, he felt the baby move.We decided we would have to run. But, first we needed money.
