And, now how they related to me. Time to fit them into my life, since that's what this space is dedicated to.Benny was my lover, my friend, and he tried to steer me through a hopeless situation with in a way that caused the least amount of damage. We may have made a go of it, but in the end, he loved his addictions more than he loved me, and i loved me more than i loved him. i betrayed him horribly to escape, and i do feel bad about it. But, it was the only way, and i don't regret my choice to live and be free. i'm glad i eventually got that post card. He forgave me and understood i think. So i suppose he must not have suffered too horribly over it.John was my handler. He made sure i did what i was supposed to do, when i was supposed to do it. He took care of my problems that would affect my work. He protected me from clients that would have killed me, and he forced me to go to ones i would have avoided if at all possible. He broke my will and starved me. He also fed me obliviation, which was his way of showing kindness. i would be afraid to ever run into John again, he would probably kill me for the things i did to Benny and Edward.Jackson was my owner. He gave me to Edward, but there were many days when we were not at Edward's house. During those days, Jackson owned me completely. He used me in every way you can imagine and sucked at my soul, though he never quite managed to destroy it. Jackson destroyed my will almost completely and smiled while he did it. i do run into him from time to time, and he still scares me. He says he has changed. He went into the military and now runs a restaurant and decorates cakes (yes, my boogyman is a cake decorator, for god's sake.) But, when i see him, i look into his eyes... and i still see that boy. i see him laughing as he broke my fingers, or the completed look he had when he watched me scream. Perhaps away from me he is a better man. But, i have no doubt the well of poison still lives in his chest. And, were i under his thumb i would suffer like the damned again.
