In May of that year i decided things were hopeless. In effect, i completely gave up on life. As a small child, i had clung to the hope that when i grew up i would be free. But, when Pearl was sold in May, i watched John hold her while another enormous hard looking man branded her right hip. The sounds of her shrieks and the smell of her flesh burning told me the truth. i would never be free. Never. After the brand was applied another man, dressed very richly, snapped his fingers. Two older women came forward and tended the wound on Pearl's hip and soothed her. They dressed her in white and led her away. i never saw or heard of her again. That night i asked Benny what would happen to Pearl. She had once been John's favorite although Lindy had taken that honor from her. She was a pretty girl, with dark hair and big brown eyes that tugged at the heart. He said that because John had special affection for Pearl he had gotten her a different buyer. Edward's girls were usually sold to the same man. This man used them through their prime years if they lived that long. Then they were sold to various street pimps and hustlers and went into the hell that is life for an old whore. Old coming at about 25. Most didn't make it that long. Pearl had a different path to follow. John had found a collector for her. This man worked his girls extremely exclusively, and he only purchased girls with something special about them. He kept them to the age of 25 and at that point either let them retire to be kept as his private stock, or he killed them. Benny led me to believe he mostly kept them, which was why he purchased so few girls. i knew i wouldn't get that lucky. i knew i'd probably be miserable until someone decided to dispose of me. And, so... i decided to kill myself.
