This is the last flashback. Again, extremely light as far as flashbacks go. Yet, it doesn't feel light. This gave me the horrible sense of helplessness and hopelessness. i found one more piece of this incident. And, i will give it tomorrow. Then i think Saturday try to talk about what i think happened.
She is laying in the tub. i gently wash her body, careful to cleanse but not hurt her bleeding welts. She does not whimper, but tries to make small talk through her broken mouth. She forces a smile i know is for my sake, and so i find one for her. The bathroom door opens behind me, and i tense. But, it is only Benny. He stands silent in the doorway, looking at me looking at him. i plead with him, using only my eyes. Words are dangerous here. He shakes his head slightly. He steps beside me and leans over Kayla. He slides a nice stamp into her mouth. i know that soon she will be gone. Flying in a world where pain no longer matters. Then he sits on the toilet and watches me finish cleaning her. Then i help her out of the tub and dry her off. i am relieved to see her reach for her nightie. She will be okay. And, finally she weaves uncertainly from the room. i turn my begging eyes on Benny again. The full force of my need shines in my eyes. i see him crumbling. i slide back to my knees and crawl towards him, holding him with my eyes, my need. He gestures towards his pocket. Offering me the obliviation he had given Kayla. i shake my head. That isn't what i want or need. He sighs deeply. He looks at me as the tears fall from my eyes. Finally i whisper. "Please." He sighs again and scrubs his hands over his face as though he is trying to wake himself. Suddenly his booted foot shoots out and catches me in the thigh. As i tumble to the side and hit my head against the tub, relief washes over me. He will give me what i need after all. Penance. Some time later he bends my bruised body over the side of the tub and forces his cock into my ass. The ride is short, and he cums rather quickly. i slide down and lay beside the tub, looking up at him. He backs away from me, as though i am somehow contagious. "You cannot live this life. You have to get away. For both our sakes." And, he turns and flees the bathroom. Bareassed. Just runs away leaving his clothes and shoes. And, guilt rushes over me once more. It isn't enough. Its never enough. Never ever enough.
