my mind is filled with shards of broken glass that somehow pierce my heart and give me headache.
That's about as close as i can come to telling you what i feel like today. my friends have rallied round and help me pick my self up off the ground. You guys know who you are... thank you.
i can't pick a direction this week. i've stopped trying. Here is something i thought about today. Disconnected from anything. A fleeting glance. Probably be a whole week of this.
When i took my second grade class pictures, the school photographer said i looked like Farrah Fawcett with no teeth. He decided to do three extra shots of me for fillers he said. Whatever that meant. For the last one i couldn't quite find the angle he wanted for my head. So he walked forward to adjust my head himself. But when he threw my hair back away from my neck he discovered the ropeburn there. His hands froze. i tensed.
And i looked up at him and for a moment saw his naked horror. His eyes locked on mine, and so we were connected somehow by his knowing.
Then my teacher asked if there was anything wrong from the doorway.
His eyes held mine a minute more. i pled with my eyes. i'm not sure for what. And then i saw the shade come down inside him. The heavy wall he erected to break the connection.
He said, no, he had enough, send the next child please.
