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Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Slipping Away 

He began to develop alzheimer's about a year after i moved out. By the time i started dating Jackson he would ask for Livy because he didn't have the sense to keep my secret name secret anymore. But, no one but me knew what the hell he was talking about. They thought he was asking for his mother.
He retreated to a time in his teen years after he had moved in with my Granny. She died and he would get lost in his neighborhood. He was eventually moved in with a woman who had once been a CNA. He hit her often and my father would have to go and take care of things.
my family took it in turns to sit with him, but i flat out refused point blank to go, and threatened to let him wander into the damn river. my mother took my side and i was excused from babysitting the old monster. That they would even ask still makes me livid.

Marcie came home from babysitting duty one day beside herself with fury. Although he didn't recognize her, or have any idea who she was, he took it upon himself to tell her a story of how delicious his granddaughters were. And, when he began describing her own child self to her, she couldn't take it anymore and got up and left. He fell down some steps and hurt his leg. (i've always thought there was a good chance Marcie shoved him down the steps and i don't blame her if she did.)
Vanessa had also refused point blank to do anything for him, and after that Marcie wouldn't either. So, for a while we drifted. Apart from him. But, there was always the strain on my father to remind us. i can remember hearing him cry behind the bedroom door at night and my mother's voice soothing him. And, i hated them both.
Eventually i stopped, but i still remember that blinding fury and inescapable hatred. Had they forgotten? Or more likely did they never care?

Raven screamed at 12:20 AM


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