So yeah, yesterday sucked, i left the house when i got out of bed and didn't return until i got back in it. No time for blogging. No time for anything. It was a shitty day. Here's yesterday's post.
During the long 14 months of Granny's absence the first 2 or 3 were spent at starvation and killing things. Small animals and birds and finally one of Granny's beloved house dogs. By then i always had to help, and i had learned that a mask and complete stoicism made the process go faster. But, killing Bootsie was different. Granny loved that dog. It implied (to me anyway) that Granny would never come back. To my horror i heard myself begging with him, pleading that Bootsie be spared. i tried to shut myself up, i really did, but my mouth just went on and on. And, then i did the unthinkable. i ran away. i ran away from the shed and went and sat on the basement door, and waited on his wrath.
Being killed outright myself was better than the thought that Granny would never return. It was all that sustained me. That was the end of the animal killings and the beginning of a new chapter for me. Many long months still stretched before me before she would return.
