We have nearly arrived at the reason i decided to run. The thing that pushed me over the edge. To me it seems my most horrifying secret. To you it will probably just be one more thing in a long string of things. i don’t know how much of it i can tell. How much of it i dare to tell and how much of it you can stand to read. The images are burned forever into my brain and the sounds will never leave my head. But, i long to pour them out here. On the other hand… it was such a horribly messy awful thing. There is no way i have the skill or finesse to shadow it at all. To take any of the edge off of the horror. And, i’m afraid to tread in these waters. We have arrived at the point of my tolerance. Even bearing witness to this brings me shame and sullies my soul. Do i really want to put such a thing here? Do i want to drag this dark beast of mine shrieking into the light and leave it staked out for the world to see? i do not know. i don’t know if i have the courage to face it. i don’t know if i have the ruthlessness to show it to you. This week may be obscure. It may end abruptly. It may start on a whole new path suddenly. If i can face this, i may be ready to enter my Granddaddy’s basement. Even if i don’t publish it. But, perhaps the nameless deserve to be remembered too. i just don’t know. At this point, i don’t know anything. Only that i’m afraid.
