When i came back to myself i was sitting by the pool table holding a beer. A miller pony. The kind i had drunk as a child with my grandfather. i felt the bile rise in my throat and choked it down. This would be a bad time to puke. i sit the beer carefully on the table behind me and asked in a shakey voice if i could use the ladies room. Jack eyed me strangely but nodded and indicated the one in the back basement room, through the heavy metal door that had concealed Kayla being beaten the day before. i entered cautiously but it was okay, the room was unoccupied today. Still modest i felt uncomfortable peeing so exposed in the corner of the room but i did. Then i washed my hands and for good measure splashed cold water on my face. i returned to the main rec room and settled back into my chair at the pool table. John approached me from behind. He rubbed my shoulders and i felt like screaming. "You are a very interesting little girl, you know that? Can you pull that trick anytime?" "What trick?" "Changing." "Changing?" "Never you mind, darlin'. Old John will learn how to work it. Old John will learn just how to take care of you. And, you will make us lots of money." i wanted to ask him what the hell he was talking about, but i was scared. Scared of him... and scared of the answer.
By now i was just done. i had been sold, used, beaten, humiliated, terrified and threatened more than i could stand. i was just done. i clung to Benny and looked for reassurance. i think he tried to provide it, but it was not a situation that could be reassured much. When Benny carried me down the basement steps and handed me to John it was more than i could bear. i found the hole in the wall and escaped. Enough was enough.
After that i performed my very first train. Five runners lined up in the hall to take their turns after Edward. The first was Ricky. He was easy with me. Next came Jimmy and he gave me my first ever hit of acid. i thought it was a dud and spent the whole time he rode me waiting for something exciting to happen. It didn't. Then came Bob, he was rough. i ripped and bled and cried. Around the time Randy flipped me onto my knees the acid kicked in. i watched in fascination as the stitching ran in circles on my bedspread and barely noticed him even though my nose almost touched the bed several times. i don't remember who came last. i would learn to handle drugs, but in the early days they knocked me on my ass. i don't know how much time passed before Benny came and found me. He lead me down the hall to the bathroom and bathed me like a child. He even washed my long hair and conditioned it, combing it out for me. Finally i was dressed in a nightie and led from the bathroom.
