Saturday, April 29, 2006

Warning 

After at least four eternities she lost consciousness. i begged John for my turn. Plead and begged until he finally said if i didn't shut up he'd wake her up and start again, making me help this time. i shut up.
He drug me over to her and put my fingers on some of her wounds. She flinched and moaned. He smeared my face with her blood and it was on my hands and arms. The silent tears made tracks down my face.
"You love her don't you?"
i nodded. He drew his arm back and i cried out. "Yes, yes Sir, i love her. Please, stop, please no more. Please, i'm sorry. Please."
"I gave you mercy this time. Do it again and I'll kill you. But, first. First she will suffer for a long long time. And, if you ever get away what happened to Mira will look like fun for Kayla."
i could only stare at him openmouthed. Surely Edward wouldn't destroy valuable property like that.
He reached out and pulled her head back with her hair. i could tell she was awake and faking desperately.
"I'll buy her if I have to. I'll buy her just so you know what you've done. Be a good girl Raven. Don't make me kill the only thing that doesn't think you are a useless cunt."
And, i would be. By the time i left Kayla was long gone. Had she not been, i would never have left.

Raven screamed at 9:56 AM

 3 comments

Thursday, April 27, 2006

Who Paid 

Better late than never...

i sat in the floor on the other side of the heavy metal door and listened to Kayla's screams. i strained my ears for the nasty ripping sound i once had to block out. i was silent and still, Benny would run me off if he noticed me by that door. Being there when John came out was dangerous.
Although i was immobile fat tears slid silently down my cheeks. It should have been me on the other side of the door. It was my fault the money came up short, not hers. i had thought i was beyond bucking, beyond flight, beyond the panic monster. But, when the old man's calloused fingers had covered my mouth the panic monster had bit me with its sharp pointy teeth and i had fought.
i had fought, i had ran, i had hid. And, Kayla had covered for me. And, now it was Kayla who screamed and begged. It was Kayla who paid.

When the door finally opened i was still there. i looked up at John and he looked down at me.

"Me next, please."
He shook his head.
"Oh, no darlin' love, you don't get off that easy. I'm not done, I just got warmed up. Now come on in here so she can thank you and you can watch. You the one who done it to her, aint you?"

Raven screamed at 2:37 PM

 6 comments

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Mixed Results 

So. i've heard from the doctor. i still have to go, but not until like Monday or Tuesday probably. Yay, i get to worry about it all week. Thanks so much fuckweeds.

But, still. More time until i have to go. That's good. i'll begin the story this evening while J is watching Brad.

Raven screamed at 3:27 PM

 2 comments

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

High Tide 

The doctors tried to hospitalize me today but couldn't find a bed. i don't know what is going to happen. If i don't go to the hospital tomorrow i'll tell a story, one that's been driving me nuts. If i do go i'll let you guys know, either myself, or i'll have J do it.

Dammit.

Sometimes i am nothing but an ocean of hate and resentment and bitterness.

Raven screamed at 10:57 PM

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Friday, April 21, 2006

Remember 

And, now i've told the stories of all the girls i have names for. There are so many more whose name i do not know. i might tell some of those stories as well. There is one i really want to tell sometime. In part for purely selfish reasons. All too often when the sandman eludes me it is the faces of those girls who haunt me. But, also... i feel that i owe them something. A few entries on my blog so that at least a handful of people know that they lived, and the horrible way they died seems the least i can do.

At any rate, i just wanted to take a moment today to remember:
April
Kathy
Jessey
Mira
Eva
Ebony
Sandy
Beth
Rennie
Lori
Jordy
And all the little girls like them. They deserve better. And, they won't get it.

Raven screamed at 2:34 PM

 3 comments

Thursday, April 20, 2006

Lori 

Edward and Brandon would often purchase girls for one another if they found one that would fit perfectly into the other's house. The girl was purchased, used, passed around and finally presented. Occasionally given as a gift but more often the expense was passed along with a slight finder's fee added.
i went along with Benny to pick up this girl Brandon had acquired for Edward. When we arrived i was careful to stay fully tucked into Benny's big arms, terrified that Nina was lurking around somewhere. His comforting me in Brandon's house would have been unacceptable, but he could discipline me or use me as an excuse to keep me from being expected to pay attention to anyone but him.
my invented crime was vague. Something like being disrespectful. And, so it was that i was drug down the long hallway to part of the house where Brandon stored untrusted girls by my hair. The shrieks and begging reached us well before we got there and i tensed, causing Benny to actually drag and hurt me for the first time. i felt his thumb make slow comforting circles on the back of my neck even as he yanked my hair and cursed me.
Brandon explained that she was being broken in. She was completely fresh and completely stubborn. His house was doing a tune up for us. He gave us a few more stats on the girl and after Benny forced my head down and scrubbed my face on Brandon's loafers in a sign of respectful patience, Brandon offered him the small work room across the hall to correct me in while we waited.
The begging continued through Benny's lashing, the look in his eyes telling me he wished he'd never chosen this route, but that he was as trapped as i was at this point. He only used his belt and used it in that way that looks brutal but is actually not too bad at all. i had to invent the tears.
Then he told me my crime, told me his expectations and told me some other shit i didn't pay any attention to because by then i had noticed something in the quality of the screams from the girl across the hall that disturbed me.
Screams continued through the sex, which was slow, Benny was always slow, always took his time. Sometimes brutally rough, but never in a hurry. Finally Benny fell asleep and i listened to the screaming alone.
And, finally, after a long long time, it faded to whimpers. Finally i heard the door close across the hall and there was silence. i nudged Benny awake and he put his pants on and accompanied me across the hall.
She lay bent over the arm of an old plaid sofa. When we first entered the room all i could see was her head. Face smeared with snot and puke and running mascara, strawberry blonde hair lay in sweat and cum soaked clumps. Her eyelids were fluttering, i saw her loosing her battle with unconciousness.
As we came further into the room the blood became apparent. It was on the floor, on the coffee table, on the chairs, and there were pools of it on that sofa. Benny looked at me and sighed. He shook his head but i reached out and brushed her nasty hair off of her face and the blue eyes opened with a look of panic in them. She moaned and tried to lift her hand towards me but it fell and she couldn't lift it.
i knew looking at her. i'd lived too long in that world. There was no denial, no heroics. Nothing. i wispered the most soothing things i could think of, and lightly scratched her head until the end came. It didn't take long.
i looked up at Benny and his eyes were dry but i could see the threat of tears there. All it would take was for me to start. But i didn't. i stripped my slip of a dress off and covered her with it. i thought bitterly that she was the lucky one. She was out of it.

Raven screamed at 10:39 AM

 2 comments

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Rennie 

Rennie was too old to be a new girl in our house. She was 15 and closing in on her 16th birthday. She was so broke down though, they made an exception for her. She was extremely pliable, pleasant looking, and willing to do absolutely anything asked of her with no fuss what so ever. i often thought there was no girl left in there. Just the body left behind by a girl who found a way to escape.
But, then there came the day that Rennie went insane. i can think of no other way to describe it. We stood in the line, Tammy was selected, and i had turned back to Kayla to finish the conversation we had been having before the client showed up.
Rennie started to scream. i don't know what made her start, but nothing could make her stop. And, then, she began throwing things. Then she began beating her head on the wall and screaming actual words, but in formations that made no sense. Baby talk. The sounds of a tiny child trying to communicate and frustrated by their inability to do so poured forth from her at top volume.
She fell to the floor and beat her arms and legs. i had seen this kind of behavior from my niece when she was about two, but that was it. John beat her, to no avail. Benny begged and tried to comfort her, but that was unsuccessful too. Edward came down and commanded her to stop it. Marna tried to take her in her arms.
Nothing. An inconsolable child poured out her horror on and on, there on the floor that had been littered with the bodies of so many children. Finally John knocked her out. But, as soon as her consciousness returned she began again. It was frightening.
Then they began to feed her drugs. She flagged only slightly and Edward order smack for her. John's eyes widened and he studied Edward carefully. Usually the girls were never allowed to touch heroin.
i watched from across the room as Benny repeated the process i'd watched him do for himself so many times. Tasting, melting, and all that. And, with great gentleness he gave her the shot.

Later that night i held him as he cried and cried and cried. The sounds of a man who believes himself damned. The sounds of a man who murdered a child. Accidently, yes. But, that never brought him any comfort.

Raven screamed at 2:46 PM

 4 comments

Monday, April 17, 2006

Beth 

So, i had to crawl back in my basket for a bit. Its been rough, its still rough, but i've got a better grip now. So, back to talking, back to purging, back to telling the story.

Beth was another girl i knew from parties. She didn't belong to Edward, nor any other pimp i knew. i was fairly certain that she was one of those girls who had a guy (boyfriend or father or step-father or some such shit) in their life who always promised this was the last time. Every single time i ever saw her she had been beaten by someone who left the print of one of those horseshoe rings all over her.
She always trembled slightly and had the shifty nervous look of a girl on the verge of making her break for it. She never got her chance though.
At this particular party i ended up in the extremely undesirable position of being the most desired and sought after girl there. i finally gave up my attempts to get up after a few tries and just found the most comfortable spot i could in the most centralized location and discreetly popped a few Daddy's Little Helpers. The train was long and the pain between my thighs turned to damn near unbearable agony way before i had any hope of it ending.
i don't think i can explain what it is to put your body on autopilot but i'll try. my muscles still flexed, my breath still came out in short breathy gasps, i still sensed who wanted moaning pleasure and who wanted whimpering agony and gave them their wish. i still sucked, swallowed, withered, writhed, shook, gyrated and stroked. But, my mind was completely unfettered from my agonized body. i watched a cat fight, tracked the progress of a moth around the room, eyed the miserable technique of a little blonde and wondered if her handler would teach her better.
Finally my eye fell on Beth. She was trying with little success to convince a young guy in a leather jacket to stop beating on her and let her suck him off. i'd watched Beth's blowjob before and i was interested to see it again. She was good, and she had a method of head shakes towards the climax that i wanted to see demonstrated again so i could perhaps add it to my own repertoire. The man wouldn't be convinced and her blood began to flow more and more freely. i saw the decision in her eyes even before she fled. i watched for her for the rest of the long night but she never returned.
Eventually John arrived. i noted his presence and made sure my performance was stellar, but i continued to watch for Beth. Eventually the rutting bodies around me tired and the crowd began to thin. Here and there bodies were sprawled in sleep and even my own crowd began to slow down. Finally i was left alone in a pool of bodily fluids and i tried to will myself up from the floor. i was still laying flat on my stomach listening to my heart slow down when John nudged me with the toe of his boot.
"Rough night?"
i nodded.
"You need stitches again?"
i shrugged.
"Out of it, huh?"
i nodded and yawned hugely.
"Can you walk, or do you want me to carry you?"
i struggled to get up and failed.
He sighed. He walked away and came back and pressed a towel between my legs. He wrapped me gently in the huge coat he had brought for me to wear and picked me up.
As he leaned to place me in the car i saw the pink polished toe poking out from a small out building. i pointed it out to John who went over to investigate and found Beth's corpse. Frozen to death.

Raven screamed at 2:19 PM

 3 comments

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Sandy 

i only knew Sandy marginally. She actually belonged to someone else and i only saw her at parties. But, the area is small and i saw a lot of the same girls over and over. She was a cute redhead with freckles.
i was in mid blowjob when the howl of pissed off alpha male echoed up the stairs and to my sensitive ears. Not surprisingly this was immediately followed by feminine shrieks of fear and pain. i tuned it out and concentrated on the job at hand. So intense was my concentration that i was shocked when the door burst open and Sandy flew across the room and bounced off the wall collapsing in a heap.
my training kicked in and i continued my work even as i shifted into a more protected position from which i could keep an eye on the situation and at least attempt to escape if necessary. When i could see clearly she was on her feet again backing away as a man advanced on her with a knife.
"You think its funny bitch? i've still got something to stick up in you, and its nice and hard. Come here."
She shook her head mutely, licking her lips her eyes darting around the room. i could see she was high as a kite. He lunged at her and she screamed and darted away.
my client yelled for the guy to take it out of the room but he continued to lunge and she continued to dodge him. Her luck ran out though and on her last dodge she fell through the window. For a second i thought she was going to make it, her fingers caught the edges of the window and she held on desperately. Then the guy leaned forward. In her terror she thought he was after her still and panicked, letting go. She fell nine stories and landed on the trashcans below with a thunderous crash.
Her pursuer shook his head and looked out the window after her.
"Silly bitch."
He turned to my client and asked if he was near there. When he said he was, the pursuer urged him to hurry up, that they had to get the fuck out of there.

Raven screamed at 4:24 PM

 3 comments

Monday, April 10, 2006

Ebony (abridged) 

i tried to tell Ebony's complete story and i ended up going around it. So, i'll just give you scant information on our time together and the story of her death.


Jackson won Ebony in a card game. He kept her at Edward's for a while looking for a buyer, but finally Edward decided to keep her. Then she got to be more trouble than she was worth to them. She ended up beating hell out of a client and they sold her to an extremely unsavory pimp in retaliation.
Since i worked a lot of parties i still saw her occasionally when a lot of different types of girls was needed for a party. The last time i saw her a girl i didn't recognize strolled past Ebony and loudly remarked, "God, why do they let these fucking {racial slur i will not even repeat} crack whores in here?"
Ebony caught the girl's long braid and began beating her head in the wall. i should have been looking for a way to earn my money, but i had to stand and watch as Ebony let vent her awful rage and fury. i couldn't help but smile, that stupid girl had no idea what she'd stepped into. Finally Ebony tired and left the girl in a heap on the floor moaning and rocking a bit.
Reluctantly i turned my eyes to potential clients and started to turn away when Ebony tipped me a wink and mouthed the words i still try to hold on to.
"Keep your chin up. It aint nothing but a thing."

i later learned that the girl she'd wailed on was her pimp's boss's girlfriend. The pimp beat her to death with a hammer while his boss and his boss's girlfriend watched.

Raven screamed at 11:33 PM

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Sunday, April 09, 2006

Eva 

Okay, finally, here is Eva's story.

Eva was only in our house a very short time. When i first met her, i thought she'd do fine, she was silent and obedient. Trouble was, she never spoke or ever showed any emotion what so ever. Eva was so far away in her head, i'm not sure she had any idea where her body was anymore.
i'm sure there are folks for whom fucking a living dead girl is fun, but those weren't usually the kinds of clients who came to Edward for their entertainment. Edward specialized in despoiling innocence or the horrible agony of children too tiny to accommodate or simply pedophiles.
John looked for clients for Eva. He did try. He tried very hard. Finally, unsure what else to do with her, for she was far too beautiful to waste, he sent her to a party with me and Kayla. Most horny drunk dumbasses don't even look at what they are fucking.
It turned out to be a rough party. A couple of those idiots strung me up for a nice game of whore target practice. A game where they make bets as to who can hit certain areas of the body with a beer bottle or who can make the whore cry or who can just get her hair wet without hitting her. You get the point. i had my own fish to fry and i wasn't looking out for anyone but me.
When John showed up to get us, Kayla was still serving the long line that had formed for her so John left her to finish up while he collected the rest of Edward's property. By then i was also down from target practice and engaged in a three way. He walked off to find Eva.
A short while later i heard him cussing. He stomped in the room and told my clients that the party was over and snatched me towards him, handing me the nightie he had brought for me as we walked down the hall towards Kayla's line. She looked extremely surprised and relieved when John told her to get her ass out of the bed.
We followed him back down the steps, both of us more or less lost in exhausted relief. Then i spotted Eva face down on the floor of the squalid kitchen. i nudged John and he nodded at me but made no move to go to Eva. i nudged him again. He casually shoved me away from him so hard i bounced off the wall and lost my balance, hitting the ground.
From this vantage point, i noticed the pool of blood all around her. i wanted to go to her, but i knew she was dead and it wouldn't do any good and i would have to take a beating for it. So i didn't go. i didn't even try to check on her. i didn't do a damn thing but stagger out of the floor and carry my ass down the hall following John like a good little trained bitch.
i learned that her throat had been slit when i went with Benny to collect the replacement fee.
"Why would these assholes have slit her throat? She couldn't have been being any trouble."

i knew the answer to his question but i wasn't going to voice it. It made me feel like screaming. i slid my fingers into the pocket on his tee shirt and took the sheet of acid there. i asked for four he said two and we compromised on three. When i started to float i finally answered him.

"Because they could."

Raven screamed at 9:34 AM

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Saturday, April 08, 2006

i suck 

Okay, i suck. i'm too stoned to post right now. i'll do it tomorrow. Not copping out, i just can't write anything that makes sense. So we'll get to Eva's story tomorrow. Before i get this ripped. i promise.

Raven screamed at 12:05 AM

 2 comments

Thursday, April 06, 2006

Mira 

Mira ran, you'll remember that from this post.

She made it for about a month. When they found her she was panhandling money, trying to get a bus ticket the fuck out of dodge. She just had the bad luck that one of the runners was going to visit a sick uncle and went to the bus station. They had stopped looking for her there.
We were all made to stand shoulder to shoulder against the back wall of the back basement room. We were warned that if any one of us looked away everyone would be whipped bloody in turn and there would be no Daddy's Little Helpers for anyone for a month.
Then two of the runners drug her in, kicking, screaming, cussing, and trying her best to inflict some damage on her captors. She was in bad shape, her face an unrecognizable pulp, lash marks criss crossed every bit of skin i could see, and the insides of her thighs streaked with blood from whatever they had done to her there.
Edward followed the runners at a bit of a distance, and Benny shut the door behind him. He walked over to John who waited by the chains that hung from the ceiling. He nodded to John and he snatched one of Mira's wrists, attaching it to the manacle, holding the kicking, clawing, desperately struggling girl with no more effort than most people hold a struggling kitten.
Once Mira was restrained and gagged Edward stepped out in front of her and addressed us.
"What has she done?"
The question was met by silence. No one wanted to betray Mira by stating her obvious crime.
"Layla, what has she done?"
i could hear the tears in Layla's voice when she answered. Mira was her best friend.
"She ran."
Edward nodded. He turned and muttered something to John who grabbed Mira's kicking leg and held it out. Edward pointed to the E carved in her heel.
"What's this?"
Silence again. He sighed.
"Pearl, what's this?"
"Your mark."
Another nod.
"And, what does it mean?"
Silence.
"Kayla, what does it mean?"
"That who we were before is dead. That we are your property, we only live at your pleasure."
He smiled. "John, you've taught these girls well. So obviously, our little traitor here knew she could not leave me. Didn't she, Wendy?"
"Yes."
"What happens to traitors in this household, Raven?"
"They die."
"Exactly."

And then the knife ripped through the beautiful skin. i watched but i didn't see. But, i couldn't block out the muffled agonized sounds. i was relieved when they finally stopped. And, no one looked away.

Raven screamed at 6:16 PM

 2 comments

Names Explained 

Damn blogger. i wrote this yesterday. Here it is today, when the bitch finally let me post it.

This week i think i'll try to tell the stories from the list of names i posted on If. For April read this one. Kathy can be found here.

Here is Jessey's story.

Jessey and i hadn’t worked together before. She was a quiet girl, spending all of her nonworking time in her room with her endless supply of puzzles. Before me, Jessey was Benny’s favorite. We were similar in personality.

Benny ferried us to the motel. i was dreading the encounter because Mickey was just one of those men who looked so scummy you could gag. i decided another alcohol bath was in order when this asshole was done.

From the moment we walked in the door… it just seemed wrong. At first nothing was out of the ordinary, but my heart hammered in my chest just the same. Watching Jessey’s wide brown eyes i could tell she knew something wasn’t quite right as well.

The girl/girl warmup went fine. It wasn’t unpleasant and from the corner of my eye i watched Mickey stroking himself just like they all did. But, then things started to spin out of control. Within minutes both Jessey and i were bleeding, and struggling to be as cooperative as possible. He used me, her, me and was on his second round with her when i realized time was up. i was still more afraid of John than Mickey and i forced myself up and over to the bed. In a trembling voice i told him to stop. i asked for the money.

And, that was when all hell broke loose. He screamed so hard and loud the veins in his neck stood out in a frightening way. i backed into the corner and he lunged after me only to fall to the floor. While he was down Jessey tried to make her escape but he caught her by the ankle. She went down with a look of stupid surpise on her face, her hand stretched out towards me. For a moment time seemed to slow down while i watched him drag her back across the floor and her claw the carpet in her struggle to escape. Then snap, time began flying again as he began to beat her in earnest. Hammering her with his fists again and again and again. i knew i should try to help her, but i could taste my own terror. i stood across the room, wearing only my trademark boots Edward had bought me, watching him kill her.

But when he abandoned the beating and began shoving his hand up inside her, her earth shattering shrieks finally broke through the haze of fear. i rushed forward and grabbed him but it was no good, he threw me off like a flea.

There was a rending shriek and he had his arm in her to an impossible degree. When he pulled his hand out of her it was in a flood of blood. And, he turned in direction. He advanced on me dripping blood that was almost up to his elbow. i backed across the room, hearing the useless pleading, the desperate whinning i was doing.

my back hit the wall and his hands closed on my throat almost simultaneously. He choked me until it went black, and when i could see again, it was only out of one eye. He beat me the same way he had beaten Jessey, and i knew i was going to die.

But, i fought him off.



Benny totally freaked out when i paged him, in a panic watching Jessey bleed to death on the floor in front of me. He went white when he came in the door. He picked Jessey up and carried her to the car, saying he would not leave her there, fuck what happened later. Then he came back and grabbed me roughly by the arm and jerked me out the door, shoving me in the car on the drivers side and then nearly sitting on me when i was too flabbergasted and stupid to move over.

He shoved a few pills into Jessey's mouth but she promptly puked them back up and moaned piteously. She was pouring blood like an open faucet and was in obvious agony. Benny couldn’t take it. Tearing at his hair he drove her to the hospital. He put her in a wheel chair he found in the parking garage and pushed her to the ER entrance. Then he kissed her cheek and walked away. i watched out the window of his unsalvageable Nova.

Raven screamed at 5:50 PM

 7 comments

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Blocked Door 

So, when i started therapy, i got writer's block on this blog. i've opened blogger several times and tried to write, and i just can't. Nothing comes. i can't seem to hold on to images or anything. Even the last post, i originally wrote in Word, which i never do.
So, today, i finally discussed this with my therapist. i mourned my writing here, i was grieving the most helpful tool i have ever found in my recovery. Her best guess was that i was trying to open doors that i was not yet ready to open and that in trying to force them open i had just created a block.
Sooo... i guess i'm going to back away from Granddaddy and the basement again. We'll go back to more stuff from Edward's place, or Jackson, or JH. And, if that doesn't help, i'll just try to blog snatches of images or something. The point is, i want to get back to writing here everyday Monday through Friday.

Raven screamed at 5:16 PM

 7 comments